Monthly Archives: June 2013

Just Keep Swimming

My last post was over a week ago now, and I feel inclined to tell you that I’m doing much better. Oh, don’t get me wrong. I still miss people. I still miss Bloomington, especially when I walk to and from the metro and don’t have the luxury of walking past Collins, in all it’s castle-y splendor. I also really miss the grilled cheese food truck, which when you consider the plethora of truly amazing food trucks in and around DC, just proves how much I love(d) that Momma Smacker sandwich. My mouth is watering just thinking about it…

Yes, I still miss a great many things, but I am doing better. Work is actually far more interesting than I initially expected. I don’t plan on going in to much detail about work… I don’t want to get in to the habit of bitching and moaning about things only to have someone, either my superviser or a client of the company see it. Let’s just say, in the vaguest of ways, that my job entails helping people make money though information which I will input into a database. It makes me a bit uncomfortable, to be honest, but at least I know that the company is not likely to go under any time soon.

My training class at work is made up of 23 others, most of whom have also only just graduated college and are starting their first Real Job. Most of them are quite nice, and there are a few of them I would even like to become actual friends with.

There is something slightly pathetic about spending eight hours sitting in front of a computer, and then coming home to sit in front of one, so I’m thinking about taking up some new hobbies. If you have any suggestions for hobbies one can still be capable of before they have adjusted to working all day, please let me know. As of now, when I get bored or sick of the computer, I tend just to go to bed, even if that means I go to bed at 9:30. I never thought I would voluntarily go to bed at 9:30, but it’s just after 10pm right now, and my eyelids are starting to get veeeery heaaavyyy…

My roommate is leaving Friday to spend two months in Cambodia on an internship. I’m quite jealous of her, actually.  Leaving the country, travelling. The day of my last post marked the 0ne-year anniversary of the day I came home from England. It’s been a year since I’ve been out of the country, and I don’t know when that will change. Now that I have a job, and have a set number of vacation days, none of which will kick in until October… I don’t even know when for sure I’ll get to go home, let alone when I’ll next be able to take a big trip. There is, however, the possibility that I might be able to transfer to the Glasgow office of the company I’m working for. The possibility excites me, because living in the UK is just about the best thing I can think of. Then again, I also dread having to sell or store all of the furniture I just bought, and then replacing it when I found a place to live in Scotland… It doesn’t do much good to think about right now, I’m not even eligible for at least 6 months, and that’s only if there will still be openings at that point.

But since my roommate is headed to Asia, I will be spending the next two months living alone; something I have never actually done before. Hopefully I won’t go crazy, BUT if you’re worried about me going crazy, a great way to help me in this would be to VISIT ME.

Seriously. I’m not joking. I have an air mattress. There is a sofa big enough to sleep on. And if we are really, really good friends I might even consider letting you sleep on my bed. Yep, I’m that desperate for visitors. Seriously. My two conditions are that only one or two people come at a time, and that I know both people pretty well. I’m not running a hotel, after all.

In summation: I’m doing better this week, but I still miss everything/one. I don’t hate my life or anyone in it. I find it very difficult to stay up past 10pm. PLEASE visit me.

XOXO, Gossip Girl

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I’m just missing you…

I wanted my first real post-move-in blog to be full of touristy tid-bits, stories of my adventures and general proof that I’m doing okay. But it’s 1:30 am, I can’t sleep, and I’m lonely.

I think it’s safe to say that my regeneration is complete. It took almost six weeks, but the fact that I’m starting work on Monday signals that the actual transformation is complete. I’ve been in Arlington for over two weeks now, as insane as that is to believe.

For the most part, I’ve had a good time. I’ve wandered and explored and gone to see some pretty nifty things, and eaten at some pretty nifty restaurants. But I miss my friends.

Today I went to a café and sat alone with a book, as has been my habit the past two weeks. I like to watch people and eavesdrop on them, and sometimes I’ll even talk to people myself. The café I went to today was different than the others, or maybe it was me that was different. Usually I go in, and there are a few people sitting in small groups, but plenty of other people sitting alone. This café was full of people in pairs or groups, and whenever anyone new came in, someone in the place knew them, said “Hi! How are you?”, chatted with them.

I was the only one there alone, and I can not remember the last time I was so jealous. Throughout the afternoon, everywhere I went I saw happy people celebrating the weekend with their friends.

I miss having friends nearby. I miss talking to people. I like my roommate a lot, and we get along well, but I miss the comfort of talking to someone you’ve known for years. I miss laughing at inside jokes and gossiping. I’ve met people, and spoken to people, but no one that I’ll see again. Today I was actually tempted to go in to the Apple Store to see if any of the people who helped me before were there.. just to see a familiar face.

I know that I’ll get through this bout of… well I wouldn’t quite call it homesickness, but it’s something similar. I know that it will eventually pass, and hopefully I will eventually make friends, or at least meet people to go to happy hours with.

But for now, I’m lonely, I miss my friends, and I need a hug.

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Lost Notes

Right now I’m sitting on an air mattress waiting for my parents to arrive with all of my stuff. My new bedroom walls are grey (which is a good thing, I’m obsessed with the color grey right now), and my suitcase is serving as a makeshift bedside table/ desk. Soon my room will be filled with stuff I mostly don’t need, a few things I do, and the mementos I delicately packed of all my life up ’till now.

Some of you may know that my computer decided to crash a measly two days before my move. By that I mean my hard drive failed. I had (and still have) an external hard drive in my Amazon shopping cart, but that didn’t do me much good. Every thing I had saved on my computer is gone. My music. Everything I’ve written in the past 4 years. My photos.

I’m pretty sure that I have some things saved on USB drives, but I don’t know what things I have saved or where said USBs are. I guess when I unpack, those are some of the things I’ll find.

The timing couldn’t have been more perfect though. I’m done with school, so the papers I’ve written don’t really matter anymore. Sure, I would like to have record of them, but they aren’t necessary. The stories saved don’t really add up to much either. Maybe with their loss, I’ll even feel compelled to start again.

I’m sad about the music. More sad than I am about the photos, because most of those are on Facebook. Although I am not musically talented, music is extremely important to me. The music I listen to reflects very concretely the mental state that I am in. I listen to sad music when I’m sad, and happy music when I’m happy. A song plays, by coincidence, at the exact right moment, and suddenly you can never hear the song without remembering where you were at the moment. Who you were with, how you felt. What you were thinking. Or, a song comes on the radio and though you’ve heard it a thousand times before, you’ve never heard it when you felt the way you do now.. Suddenly the song is transformed, from a song you like to a song that represents, in better poetry than you could ever imagine, exactly how you feel.

I no longer have that record, that musical memory. I no longer possess a collected list of all the songs I’ve loved since the summer before my Freshman year in college. Lately, I ‘skipped’ more songs than I played, but I miss that music. I miss the songs I got from friends, from boys I liked, from the websites of favorite bands.

The timing for my hard drive failing was actually quite profound… I’m starting a new chapter of my life. I’m regenerating, as I have said many times before. I guess my computer crashing is like my TARDIS getting redesigned. I still have those memories, somewhere, but they will be a little harder to reach and it won’t seem quite the same when I find them.

Now I get to start again.

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